She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
