the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
