ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Umm I'm too high to move.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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