I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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