I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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