I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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