dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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