how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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