you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
