She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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