how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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