you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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