grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
