david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
