My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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