im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
