so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
