oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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