"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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