I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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