what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
