I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
