Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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