me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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