And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
