I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
