The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
