Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
