you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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