I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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