I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
