i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
