Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
