i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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