Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
