When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How external is "for external use only"?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
