That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
