So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
