I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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