It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize