Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
