took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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