Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
