i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
