38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm bleeding and have questions
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
