I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
