Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
