when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
