last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
