Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
