I have demons in me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
