so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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