I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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