Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
