Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
