You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize