it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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