Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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