If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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