Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
