those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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