so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
