Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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