I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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