I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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