I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
