this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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