My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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