worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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