Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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