when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
