these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.