apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
