like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
