I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
