This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
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i dont even know how to be here
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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