Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
