All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
