I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
